I Finally Talk About A Movie and The Amazing

OK now, lots going on it seems. First off, I think I'm just going to "make up" some negative turn for the script , so hopefully that will keep going. Secondly I saw "The Ring 2" last night (amazingly it's the first movie I've seen at home in 3 months) and it stunk worse than Jersey. It seemed to disregard many of the aspects that made the first one so scary, and interesting. Even the incredibly talented, remarkably beautiful Naomi Watts (one of the few blondes in this world I find attractive) can't save this film from its eventual fate of being mentioned in the same breath as "The exorcist II: The Heretic","Book of Shadows: Blair Witch II" and the one we love to hate: "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer". The plot was full holes (like my teeth in 3rd grade when I ruitinely mixed soda and pop-rocks) and left me asking many questions. What happened to that copy of the tape they made at the end of Ring 1, and who did they show it to? What happens once the police eventually find that dude in the car (don't worry I'm not giving anything away - and if you think I am, then I'm doing you a favor...unless you like crap, in which case I apologize). What happens once the producers decide to make a third film and have to erase the plot points of this one? What happened to my $9 (ok $4.50- thank you wacky Wednesday!). Overall a bad time at the movies.
To make matters worse I passed by The Amazing on the way back from the movies. She was just sitting in her car with a friend, but seeing her was like walking down the street while whistling and having a hippopotamus land on you. And this isn't the first time I've either ran into T.A. or seen her car parked somewhere. In fact, this happens on average of once a week! Each time I'm generally doing OK with things, getting by, keeping myself busy- then BAM! the hippopotamus. And here's the crazy thing: I'm not looking for her, she's just there (Right K?). I mean, I never run into any of my friends who live in the neighborhood, so why do I continuously see her? Is Hashem trying to test me? Is he punishing me? Is it just really bad luck/timing? Whatever it may be it has to stop. While I am still The Hopefool Fool and haven't given up, I do think it's best not to think about things right now, and seeing her doesn't really help that matter. I will make the occasional effort of course, but right now I have to let things play out. It's important to be in a clear, strong state-of-mind when I do make those efforts, and not let emotion get too much in the way, and seeing her definitely brings up emotion- if only briefly.
I'm sure you're all saying, "So just move if it's so bad". Problem is, where? Brooklyn is just as bad in terms of the possible run-in, plus its Brooklyn (ewwwwwww!). The City isn't only a bit too expensive for me, but it's not somewhere I want to live. I was thinking of Moncey but I have only family there, no friends. The thing is, I like living in Queens right now, and with "NEXT YEAR" for the boys at Shea bout to start, I'll be at 2-3 Mets games a week, which would be quite difficult living anywhere else. So it seems like I'm trapped until the summer. Hopefully by the time I get back I'll be cured. But I am open to suggestions.

The Name's Jones. Forgetful Jones.

I have to make this incredibly quick as I have quite a lot of work to do today (including a trip to JFK) . I am pleased to say that I am up to page 29 off my new script. Thank G-d its been moving smoothly....so far. While it is a work of fiction, I am taking a great deal from my own life experiences, particularly past relationships. I am at the point in the story where the two love-birds' courtship goes sour, and am having a hard time remembering the negative aspects of my past relationships. As I am (more or less) single these days I should clearly have plenty of negative memories to use, and yet I'm drawing blanks. I keep thinking about the good stuff, but in order for the story to work there needs to be a downfall. Oh I remember a couple of the Whoppers that really hurt , but those are either way too personal, complicated or just not applicable. I know I've gotten into several fights, and made up several times as well. I just can't seem to remember what those fights were about. I'm drawing complete blanks. Is this because I'm a very forgiving person (which I believe I am) or is because I simply want to block out the negative and only focus on the "good times" ? I'm really not sure, and I now open this matter to discussion as I have to get back to work. More later in the comments....providing there are comments to comment on.

The History of "The Schwaaaaaa~~~~~"

There has been a good deal of oral feedback on this strange word/entity/life-force known as "The Schwaaaa~~~~". I understand that some of you are quite perplexed by this bizarre word followed by those waving tilda's. So allow me to explain its origin.
The Schwaaa~~~ dates back to Twentieth Century Long Island. During those strange, immature, and always confusing teen years of mine, there was a great deal of original expressionism going on, and The Schwaaa~~~~ was, perhaps, the greatest invention of this era. And here's the brief story behind its inception:
One of my life long good friends (we'll call him Shuey to protect his secret identity) started making an interesting hand gesture at jovial moments. This gesticulation (thanks, Ms. Webster) was a symbolic movement that meant to say "cool" or "ahaaaa very nice". I must say that I was somewhat enthralled by Shuey's new form of palm motion. Yet something was missing to it. It didn't have enough grace or charm. It didn't flow as I thought it should. It needed to be more seductive. I then altered the movement. Rather than the hand moving back and forth like a fish wading through water, it would now make a snake-like slither, coiling in a repetitious manner that made it look like it was moving both forward and backwards at once. Now it had grace. It had charm. It had pizazz, and it most certainly flowed.What made it even better was that many people couldn't achieve the proper motion. They didn't have the flow to it. Their hands simply moved back and worth, while mine, and a few skilled others seductively slithered. I knew I was on to something monumental at this point. But something was missing; it needed a name.
I don't know if it was Divine Inspiration, an epiphany, or raging teenage hormones combined with a former penchant for gibberish, but it suddenly hit me : "SCHWAAAA~~~~". And being that at that point in time I was known as "The Bone", I felt that a "The" would be most fitting, and thus "The Schwaaa~~~" was born. It became a being entirely of itself, working its way through me, rather than me controlling it. It stood as a symble of grace, gratiousness, cool, kindness, charm, and excellency. It was a talisman of positive energy and prosperity. It embodied itself in Shea Stadium the day Robin Ventura his his "Grand Single". It was there during during the creation of the Purim Video's Mentos Commercials. It was The Schwaaa~~~.
It prevailed for some time (and even had a counter-movement known as "Vooshay") - especially during the summer of 2001- and then dissapeared unexplainably. But over the last several months, as I've been moving on from a most serious series of unfortunate, heartbreaking events, The Schwaaa~~~ has found its way back to me, like a P.O.W. returning home. It knew I was down and that I needed something to help bring me up. So now it's back full force (and I've felt traces of Vooshay whispering in the distance), and is certainly a prevailing, and welcomed intrusion into my (now) waning depression. Feel free to post any questions you may have concerning The Schwaaa~~~~. I'd be happy to show you how it's done if you'd like. It is a positive addiction and can bring you up when the blackness seems to be enclosing. Its light will shine bright, and lead you to serenity.
Long live The Schwaaaaa~~~~~!

This Blog is Brought To You By The Letter: From a Friend

A good friend of mine just wrote me an email that really touched me, and since I'm not sure what my next topic of discussion will be I'll just post it cause I'm sure I'll want to look back at it from time to time (I changed one or two for anninimoty's sake):

"Sup dawg? Thanks for the email. Yo, I've been reading your blog and you got some interesting stuff going on there. I'm proud of you man. But let me just tell you a few things. You can't dwell on the past. You gotta learn from it and do you're best to make the future better. So if this "reconciliation" thing happens, then great, but don't get consumed by it, and don't beat yourself up over the past- you tried, you gave it your all- focus on that, not what could've, would've, should've been. Don't stay in something if you know there's work that needs to be done individually. Just try to stay calm and composed and let things play out. And most important: Don't make the same mistakes twice. If you get a (another) chance at something great, don't take it for granted and don't let it slip away. But also be aware that it's not always your fault. You can't "save" everyone, focus on yourself.
You definetly got some schwaaa~~~ going on, so keep it up. Maybe take a break from those girls for a little while too- it'll help clear your head, I think. Thanks for your help with that "thing" the other day."

LETS GO METS!!

The Big Masquerade

This Purim was without a doubt the most thought-provoking of my entire life. Brandeis was a more than adequate place to celebrate this joyous day, and I thank Maaarrrcccccc for having me. Though the mike was foggy, Tzemach Band did a fine job, with the illustriously blue Josh Becker dominating at drums.
I met several people over the last day and it occured to me that meeting new people on Purim can be very misleading as many of us wear costumes. I saw a middle-aged man dressed as a hippy who turned out to be the Rabbi here, and there are several other people who I couldn't make a fair assessment of because of their costumes (though Aroni's tight, revealing belly dancer costume certainly cleared up a suspicion I've had for some time :)- and then later it hit me ,and it hit me hard: who am I to make a judgement of anyone after meeting them once? This should seem like such an obvious realization, and yet it completely overcame me.
A harsh, and unfortunate critique that some of my former/current peers have honestly shared with me is that I can be a judgemental person sometimes. This is something I've been working on, and I think I've made a great deal of improvement over the last few months (right K?). Yet last night I saw where my problem stemmed from, and had another epiphany, one I know I've been aware of subcontiously for some time: we all wear masks, some more than others, but at some point we do cover up who we really are, whether from others our ourselves, and for a multitude of reasons. I think I've been wearing different masks for three years, bur more on that in a minute.
I have to work on not making assumptions about someone based on how people dress ("So don't put me down for the way that I look, what I wear-just the skin I bare"). If I see a guy in black pants, a white shirt and short hair I'll generally assume nice frum guy (just curious-how many of you would honestly think otherwise?). If I see a guy in ripped jeans, a t-shirt, sandals, and longer hair I would probably assume something different. I have to stop assuming. I don't know that the "frum" guy isn't going to a strip club, just as I don't know that the "bum" isn't coming back from an hour long venture of helping a fragile 90-year-old man on a walker from getting into his apartment from off the street. Heck the "bum" could daven three times a day with a minyan and the "Frummy" doesn't (not that I should judge them on that either). They're both wearing "costumes" and I have zero right to pass any judgement, and I hope I continue this is the future. Actions speak louder than appearances, and even then we are not aware of all a person's actions. The Chofetz Chaim teaches that we must always assume the best, even if the worst seems much more obvious, and the truth of the matter is is that this is a much healthier way of thinking. If we can think positive of others we can think more positive of ourselves.

Though I was 20, three years ago I was in a much healthier, happier, more mature place, and it's time I took my masks off and get back there again. Today is the three year anniversary of the Siyum I made on mesechet Megillah in honor of my dear grandmother and beloved uncle. From that point on the next 9 months of my life was without a doubt the best time of my life. I had overcome major adversities and put myself on a proper, holy derech- But I let my fears get the better of me, I took too many things for granted, and failed a test of bitachon, and have regretted it ever since. I think it's time to try to get back on that road- in some way or another. I know that if I do, and manage to stay on the derech this time (assuming I am succesful in reattaining it), I will not only be happy, but I will be sound in mind and spirit, and thus take great leaps forward in my life. I'll do my best to treat everyday like its Purim and (until I know them better) see everyone in their costumes. Only G-d truly sees everything.

Dont Stop Believin'

It seems that most of my readers are of the non-y-chromosome gender, and thus, for the most part, not interested in Baseball. So today I will address an issue that has been getting the most "off-blog" attention, namely, why I am called "The Hopeful Fool". Without getting too deep in specifics, I have recently made a very nutty, very difficult, and quite possibly, very foolish decision. This decision is one based on hope, and certainly not on logic. I think logic said arriverdici quite some time ago. But hope isn't always meant to be logical. It isn't meant to be statistically accurate, or percentage friendly. Hope is saying that even though the odds are
100-1, I still have to go after that 1, because at the end of the day I don't only feel it's worth it, I know that I couldn't live with myself if I quit, knowing in my heart it could have been the wrong decision. I've quit in the past and I regretted, "not gonna do it" again. There's going to be 99 ways I can fail, and thus it would be logical not to even try, but then I wouldn't be "The Hopeful Fool" now would I? Perhaps I've just seen The Shawshank Redemption too many times, and have succumbed to The King's ever-inspiring tale of the unwavering hope that the human spirit can produce. Too shmaltzy ? Maybe, but it's still motivating. I'm expecting the worst and doingwhat I can to prepare for it, but "Hope springs eternal", and I won't get in its way. So until I say otherwise, this is my decision. Now who's with me?!


LATER-The overall feedback by those who I've told this decision to has been mixed. Some have been supportive and inspiring- and I thank you for believin'. Others think I'm crazy (although that's nothing new is it?) and say to just move on- and I thank you for your honesty. I should point out that while I won't be actively looking for alternatives I can't stop things from happening. Whatever will be, will be (Yes, I actually just said- for those of you who know me well). If something comes up and it works, then great, B"H. But I'm not holding my breath. In the meantime I'm darn hungry ("Why do they call them Fast Days when they move so slow?!"- about as funny as Chris Rock hosting the Oscars), and have a three hour drive to The Deis now to celebrate the Purim-Festival with some great friends- new and old. Hope you all have a joyous, holy holiday, and remember that tonight's not an excuse to get drunk (that's what Tuesday's are for), but a reason to celebrate the near extermination and subsequent savior of Am Yisroel. See you in Yerushalayim a.s.a.p.

The Juiceman Falleth

First of all Shira (that of the adopted "sis" variety, not the biological sibling) the Mets are going to have a great, monumental season, just wait and see. But while we're talking about baseball, the worlds greatest sport, I think it's fitting to talk about Barry Bonds. Oh how I loath him.

Allow me to briefly summarize Bonds back story for those of you unfamiliar with the recently steroid-tarnished game of baseball: Once upon a time the Pittsburgh Pirates had a skinny leadoff hitter named Barry. Barry was very fast and was a good hitter. He hit some homeruns but never had mammoth numbers in the catergory. Then he became a slugger (i.e. homerun hitter), and he became a S.F. Giant. But then his numbers started to dwindle. One season Barry exploded, both in appearance and production. It appeared as if someone air-pumped his whole body up, and Barry hit lots and lots of homeruns. Balls that were once caught by the warning track were now soaring out of stadiums. In fact he hit more than anyone ever did in a single season. But it turns out- to no big surprise- that Barry was cheating, Barry was on steroids.
Let's fastforward a few years now. Congress has had enough of Major League Baseball's lenient drug policy, and it's about time. They are having a witch hunt similar to the one of 50 years ago with communists. Only difference here is that the warlocks involved are in fact guilty of sorcery. Some of them have been man enough to admit there Steroids use, like Jason Giambi, and thus it is easier to be forgiving of there misdeeds. Sometimes people can be surprisingly understanding when there's a sincere apology. Bonds however claimed ignorance, saying he didn't know the "clear" and "cream" substances he took were designer steroids ("I am not a crook", "I did not have sexual relations with that women", "There's no crying in baseball"- OK that last one doesn't belong...or does it?). But it was only a matter of time until Barry's lies caught up with him. To paraphrase Principal Strikland from Top Gun, "His ego was writing checks his body couldn't cash".
Now things are even worse for Barry "Juiceman" Bonds. His ex-mistress has come forth stating that Bonds knew full well he was taking steroids ("No way?!") and that he helped her learn tax evasion techniques. Oh, and the fact that he has a mistress also indicates he's guilty of adultery (and here I thought he was a classy guy?). To make things worse it seems that she has recorded proof to back up her allegations. So what does Bonds do? Does he take the high road and own up to all his wrong doings? Hell no. He blames the media. He feels he's a victim of their need to behead heroes. He blames Congresses witch hunt. He's a victim of their- what? Power? Search for a scapegoat? Desire to clean up baseball? He didn't do anything wrong. He doesn't need to apologize.

I love the game of baseball. Some of the greatest moments of my life have been at Shea. Last year I was at a Mets- Giants game with my nephew and brother-in-law. Mike Piazza hit a walk-off homerun in the 12th and my 7-year-old buddy jumped in my arms. It was a moment I'll never forget. And to make the moment even better, the ball went right over Barry Bonds' fat head- it was a catch the young, unadulterated (pun wholly intended) Barry could have made.
Now Bonds may be calling it quits from baseball, and perhaps the man is getting what he deserves. He cheated the game of baseball and its fans. He cheated on his wife. He cheated the U.S. government as well (but they couldn't be more tertiary here if they tried).

I think we can all learn a lot from Bonds. The first, and less obvious life lesson is that turning to drugs isn't the answer. They're just a short term solution to avoiding the truths of reality. Their consequences will catch up with you in the future if they don't hurt you in the present. Ask Ken Caminetti's family.
We've all made mistakes and done things we wish we hadn't. I know I have. But unlike Bonds I own up to my errors and take whatever consequences come from them. Sometimes they can be pretty harsh, and I've learned to deal with them, even if I'm reminded of them on a daily basis. Can we fix all our mistakes? Of course not. But if we're honest with ourselves and learn from the past, then we can make changes and we can grow. Sometimes we do things we truly don't know are wrong, and sometimes we do things that really aren't wrong, but can be interpreted as such by others (though Bonds doesn't qualify in these scenarios). In these cases it's best to talk things over with the one you wronged, or if you wronged no one but yourself, talk with someone unbiased to see if your actions were wrong. But again, this isn't the case with Bonds. What he did was wrong. No ifs, ands, or overly-developed muscular butts. He has yet to assume responsibility for his actions. Its time to let the swelling of his bloated head reduce (in both ways) and accept the reality of all he's done. He wanted to become a giant, but he ended up a pirate.

Episode I: A New Hope

Having just turned 23 and quite far away from where I had expected to be at this point in my life, I decided that despite my continuing battle with the imp on my shoulder-who is ever trying to have me succumb to my depression- I would start making some changes in my life. I started playing guitar seriously again, and am happy with my improvement. I will be exercising more vigourously, and having just put up a pull up bar in my office (a suprisingly dificult task involving hinges, drills, screws, different screws, screw drivers and my beloved secratary's waning patience) I can ensure brief workouts on days I don't go to the gym. I will learn 20 minutes a day instead of 15. I will put more effort into davening, and I will try to be a better person overall. But perhaps most importantly I will creatively write again, or maybe for the first time. I have started yet another screenplay, this one entitled "Hearts of Shea"- a romantic sports comedy that combines my love for The Amazing and The Amazin's, and the hopes I have for both of them. And then there's this Blog. What will i be talking about? I guess a little bit of everything. Perhaps it would be best described as: The almost-daily ramblings of my life, my encounters, my thoughts, the movies I see, the Mets games I go to, and that ever burning fire of hope I have in my heart that certain mistakes and scars of the past will heal, and there will be a happy reconciliation in my future (the persons name i wish to achieve this with can be foud within that very word).

So stay tuned, soon to be loyal readers, as I delve into such matters, and do what I can to achieve that happy ending which we all know is nothing more than a pleasant beginning to another stage of life.