Movin' On Up....

Alright, the second big thing I referred to a while back happened: I moved to Manhattan. The Upper West Side to be exact. A lot of people are asking/telling me about how exciting this must be. The truth is, it ain't. It's not bad, but it this isn't something I really wanted to do, it's just something I had to do. I'm 25 today (21 Adar), and as Gary Gulman says "If you're 25, living in your parents basement, sleeping on the same Star Wars sheets you has since you were 11- the force is not with you". So I got my own place, where Jewish singles flock like nuns in Vatican City (I've been there- those women are everywhere!) I always thought I 'd live with my parents and save up until I got married. But there's a harsh reality I have to accept: not everyone gets married. Statiscally, are the odds in my favor? Yes. Is there any guarantee? Of course not. The time has just come for me to move on and start over. But doing this has given me a great deal to think about. I started this blog just under two years ago, and while I've come a long way since then in some ways, in others I haven't. I'm not happy with the man I am, and know I can be so much better. I think I was at my best when I was 20, and I need to get back to who I was then. But the big problem is that that Hopefool was so naive, inexperienced, and motivated. I've been through too much in the last 5 years to have that eager zeal I once had. I know how I work religiously, that I can't do much to alter my cyclical sensibilities towards G-d. I don't know if I can grow as an individual without growing religiously. Part of me knows that I have to alter certain aspects of my personality but is afraid to do so- what if the people who do like me as I am now, miss the person I was? But on the other hand I'm not especially happy with who I am now, so wouldn't making these changes be the logical choice?
I need to be more confident, but more humble. I need to not come on too strong, but not be stand offish. Money can't control me, though I shouldn't be irresponsible with it either. I need to be dead honest, but also kind. I should be proud of my life. Watching out for Loshon Hora is a must, as is being more considerate to the people around me.
Soon I will face the biggest responsibility of my life and need to be more mature. This means holding back some of, or perhaps most of the jokes that come to mind. It means being more serious and not as much of a dreamer. Perhaps the most important change I must make is something my best friend pointed out to me: if things are going very well I can't get overly cocky and satisfied. I must remain humble (as noted) and aware of how things were when I wasn't so happy.This will give me more character and maturity, and should things go sour again, I wont crash as hard as I theoretically could. I know all these things I need to do in order to better myself, but they are hard, and I'm not sure exactly where to start. All this certainly won't be easy to achieve, though I do think I am capable of doing it. I will embrace this move with a smile and hope great things come my way. And when they do I'll smile but not for too long :)