The Musser of Star Wars & The Sith in Me

(Disclaimer-Once again I must point out that I write these blogs for me, and that I hope I am not offending anyone if I seem at all judgmental at times. It is not my intent. Also I suppose I give away some plot points of Revenge of the Sith, and Return of the Jedi but if you're even remotely familiar with Star Wars I'm not really giving anything away. But If you are just seeing them for the first time,and going in order from 1-6 then do not read this blog just yet. It'll be here waiting for you after you complete the Holy Saga.)


Well I finally got around to seeing Episode III- and I was quite happy with the fine people I saw it with (even if they are Brooklynites)- and I am thrilled to say that the film did not disappoint. It was certainly the best of the new trilogy. Sure the acting and the writing were frail at times, but it is a Star Wars movie after all. (Although Ian McDermiad was phenomenal as the Emperor and I feel that Ewan McGregor has solidified Obi-Wan Kenobis fate as the greatest cinematic hero of all time, with the lone possible exception of Indiana Jones). Though some critics disagree with me, I felt that Anakins turn to the Dark Side was understandable. He was a man of passion, and loved his wife more than anything in the world. This blinded him. He justified the atrocities he committed (e.g. killing Jedi younglings) as a means to saving his wife, who he has foreseen-through the Force- will die in childbirth (he is misled by the Emperor to believe he can prevent people from dying if going over to the Dark Side). As we all know Anakin Skywalkers fall to Darth Vader is tragic, and though he is one of the greatest villains of all time, there is still good inside him, and that he will eventually redeem himself. It might have taken him his whole life, but he is eventually able to conquer the dark side inside of him.
An interesting theme in the change of Anakin to Vader is that of love. Anakins love blinded him. Yoda and Obi-Wan say how it is necessary to detach ones self from love at times, as it can lead to the Dark Side (which in the film obviously proved to be true). To quote Marty McFly, I found this ideology to be heavy. Yet, the more I thought about it the more I realized there was truth in it. You can love someone with all your heart, and in doing so may compromise your own values to preserve that love (should it be dwindling), and/or protect the object of your affection. Sometimes, as painful as it may be, one must let go of love in order to serve the ultimate good, even if we cant see it. It is so easy to hold on, to give in to frustration and desire. But sometimes by letting go we free ourselves from the enslavement of the Dark Side. I think those who can do this often achieve a higher level of happiness than those who cannot.

Though nearly everyone agrees this is by far the most emotional Star Wars film, I must say I was hit quite hard at times, even fighting back tears during a few scenes (and since Spielberg cried during the movie its OK). I saw the inner turmoil that plagued Anakin and it mirrored a lot of feelings I've been going through. Like Anakin, I know deep down that I want to be good and do good, and yet I constantly struggle with the Dark Side. It is so just so enticing at times. It's easier to give in to anger and hate (as well as apathy, their shadowed evil cousin) , and do what may seemingly come more natural as the Emperor suggests. And conversely, sometimes it is so hard to do whats right, to not let our yetzer hara get the better of us. Justification is the primary tool of the Dark Side. Hardly anyone is inherently evil, we all want to do good, but our view of what is good can be easily twisted. Too often we look for a reason to not do good (or even specifically to do bad), and often rationalize a reason to do so in the name of what we now deem to be good. If we let our negative emotions (anger, jealousy, depression,hatred, fear, resentment etc) get the better of us, it becomes all too easy to sway in Anakins direction, and the Sith inside us is unleashed. Anakin thought he could bring "peace" to the galaxy by joining Darth Sidious, but he only helped create an Empire whbecausere is "peace" becuase of the absolutisms that the Emperor inflicts. I often feel the pangs of anger, and the desire to do what I know to be wrong, because as we all know, sometimes it feels good to be bad. Too much emotion is a bad thing. Our emotions can betray us, and can be catalyzed by our desire to do wrong actions (which are, again, justified as being good). Like a Jedi, we (but really "I") must learn to manage our emotions, and not let them run wild as a Sith does. We must learn to control our anger, to find a way to let our hate subside, and perhaps hardest of all, to not give into fear. Fear is the ally of the Sith (as I learned in the Darth Maul promo ads back in 99).

There is one final ideology that I've been debating for a while now that seems to be introspectively sewn into the Star Wars saga. This is the belief that in order to grow one must first fall. So basically in the Lucasinian world, Anakin had to become Vader in order to eventually kill the Emperor. To relate this to our world (even though I did once kill a Sith Lord, but I didn't have to go to the Dark Side to do it- longggg story, different blog) one could say that in order to quit smoking and doing pot, one had to start doing say, Coke or heroin, in order to eventually become completely clean. Or that one had to stop keeping Shabbos, and start eating traif in order to do real Tshuva and get back on the proper derech (sorry if that seems judgmental, but even if I should fall to the lowly level of porno writer/director, as my high school buddies once joked, I'll always believe that, as a basis, Shabbos and Kosher, even in the slightest sense, are the forefronts of THE proper derech.) So now my question is, is this true? I honestly don't know. It certainly works for some it seems, but there are others who go down these dark roads, and justify it as a means to eventually get back on the right road, yet many of them don't. They do not get the happy beginnings. Furthermore maybe the whole idea is flawed from the get go. Yes, in the end Anakin brings balance to the Force by killing Emperor Palpatine/Darth Sidious, but he murders dozens of people on the way. Yes, he dies in defeating the Emperor, but does that make up for all of his sins.? As we see at the end of Return of the Jedi it in fact, does. But maybe the idea of falling in order to grow is one big false generalization. Anakin had the chance to defeat the Emperor, but was too easily seduced by the Dark Side. He could have killed the Emperor without becoming a Sith, and set things right. Yet he succumbed to his fear and arrogance, and did terrible actions. Maybe there's another way instead of falling that we can grow. I'm really not sure. To be honest I have fallen and grown as a result. In fact, whatever growth I've managed in the last 4 months is mainly because of the guilt I feel from some stupid actions in the 2 months before that. And now as I look to take a huge leap in the growth department, I feel the urge to taste the Dark Side a bit more, to fuel the no doubt, difficult alterations I hope to make. I hope you see the flaw in this. And I also hope, foolishly perhaps, that I not only find a better solution to this conundrum (feel free to post one), but that I don't give in to the Dark Side. I saw what happened to Anakin, and though it's only a movie, it opened my eyes to a frightening possibility.

Rak Chavayrim

OK I'm going to put the dramatics of my life on hold for now and return to the riveting social discussions that gave this blog a record number of hits and comments. Today we shall discuss the timeless issue (timeless in the post WWII sense) of the male-female platonic friends thing. This has, obviously, been an issue in my life, and also a reccuring theme in every book I've read in the last two months (including the flimsy but decent "Booty Nomad", uninspired "Love Monkey", interestingly written in the second person-future tense, but ultimately abrupt, and slightly insipid "Behind Everman", and another excellent Jonathon Tropper book "Everything Changes"- I highly recommend the latter.) Ok that's it for the unneccecary plugs- back to the issue.

Some say it's just not possible for a guy and a girl to just be friend; sex (in some form or another) always gets in the way. Others say that's crap and that it's not only possible, but prevalent. I personally hold somewhere in the middle- I think you can be friends as long as BOTH parties are not attracted to one another (Jessica's constant offensive odor has been the support beam of our long, always platonic friendship). Of course I have other female friends who are certainly pretty, but I'm just not attracted to them, thereby ensuring the friendship's survival (you can be friends with a pals boy/girlfriend but only to certain extent. Getting too close leads to suspicion in many cases, and if doesn't, it probably should). Sooner or later -and it's often later as one tends not to want to "ruin the friendship"-attraction can become an issue in some cases, once it does the friendship can be in serious trouble. In many cases, one does his/her best to push past it and continue with the friendship not realizing that they can never have the same sort of "comrade equality" and social ease he/she has with friends of the same gender that they aren't checking out instinctively when the opportunity presents itself. In the bad cases someone speaks up, the other party isn't interested and the friendship is either ruined or must take a hiatus and then can restart, but only with a good deal of effort from both XX and XY (e.g. Joey and Rachel). Then there's the whole fool-around-friends thing. This probably deserves it's own blog, but in a nutshell: you're not platonic if your physical with someone, it just goes against the definition. And even if you think you "have an understanding" I promise you that one of you will get his/her emotions involved and then you got yourself a nice fluffy matzoh ball. Fool-around-friends either start real relationships or never have real friendships. Prove me wrong.
But then there's everyone's favorite case: The Harry and Sally scenario, when the (often best) friends realize that everything they're looking for is right in front of them, and they just needed to muster up the guts to do something about it. They manage to say something, work through the initial awkwardness, and quite often have happy beginnings (the only true happy ending is dying pain free completely content with your life, everything else is just a new happy beginning). I'm sure we all know dozens of couples like this. I have two siblings who married their spouses under these circumstances. It just seems to be the way things work a lot of the time in todays world. A cliche', yes, but one of the better ones (as I'm betting most people who this worked for are quite happy).
Now there are several sub-categories within this whole friends-to-couple case. Often one party is interested in more from the get go, while the other isn't, and the first party recognizes they're not getting the right signals and settles for a "friendship". Sometimes a real friendship ensues, often it does not. "Sex" (love, attraction, chauvinism...whatever you want to call it) gets in the way. The worst case is when the nerdy guy becomes the consoling friend to the girl he has a crush on, ensentionally becoming a giant pillow to lean on. He's hoping eventually she'll realize how he is more than just a "great friend" and something can happen. This is dangerous. A lot of the time the guy doesn't say an poorything, the girl ends up with someone else, and the sad schmo has do his best to try to be happy for her (which of course he is on some level, but c'mon, basically he is jealous and miserable, standing in the corner at the wedding drinking his third, pathetic martini, wishing it was him with the girl). A lot of these guys are just too scared of being rejected, and I can totally empathize with this. But I say that the guy has to either go for it or get out fast. Perhaps the only chance he'll ever have of really being friends (in whatever sense) is if he takes the plunge. If he plays it right she might actually respond, and you have a happy beginning (though be a gentleman and be honest; do not take the Frank T.J. Mackey approach from "Magnolia", succesful as it may seem- if you really like the girl you want a relationship, not sex). Sometimes she might say no, and the aforementioned "hiatus-work hard at the healing" scenario can ensue. But not saying anything, doing nothing with one's feelings, sitting idly back and not taking a chance is just the wrong way to go. It reflects a lack of confidence, and a willingness to just take punches. He has to fight for the girl if that's what he really wants, and even if he doesn't succeed, I guarantee you he'll feel better than if he just stood by and watched his dreams get away because he was just too damn scared of getting hurt, all the while not knowing he's just as badly hurting himself by not doing anything.
This of course also applies to ladies as well (see the "Step It Up Ladies" blog). You can go for the guy in the same way (rent "Some Kind of Wonderful").
As always there's loads more I could say on this issue that fills whole books and movie plots, but I'm hoping for some good comments on this to keep things moving.

And So It Goes....

This is never an easy thing to admit, but I've always prided myself in my honesty- even when it may be better not to be so open- and so I'm not ashamed to admit that right now, I'm a little scared. What am I afraid of you might ask? That's simple. The future. It would be nice if I could simply listen to Guster telling me "Don't fear the future", and that "It's all in my head", and in time I may realize that. But right now it isn't that simple. Nine months ago I had the rest of my life planned out. And as the old joke goes, the best way to make G-d laugh is to make a plan. Needless to say just about none of my plans worked out (and now my best friend who was supposed to spend the summer with me is, of course, not going to be able to) . That obviously sucked, but it was OK. I found that I was stronger than I realized, picked up the pieces and started to figure things out. I guess I'm still trying to do that. I have absolutely no idea where the heck I'll be in 4 months, and that scares me. I just received a very interesting, flattering job offer that would take me far from home- which may not be such a bad thing. But I'm not sure I want to quit my job now. I had wanted to take a semester off after I finished college to write, but that didn't happen, yet more and more I feel it's something I should do. I have to find the courage to follow my dreams, and not let the fear of failure consume and distract me. I've come to realize that this is a recurring theme in my life, and must make a conscious effort to stop it.
As I said last time I was facing some interesting climaxes in my life, and here's a brief update. It looks like I'm going ahead on one of those financial matters, I worked out that problem with my family more or less (I had to swallow a lot of pride, which is never easy but sometimes necessary.), figured out when to see "THE SITH", took care of the work stuff, and ended up having baked ziti. But let's be honest, these weren't the matters you all were interested in, you all wanted to know about that dating risk I took. Well things didn't exactly work out so well. I totally put myself out there and it seems I got shot down . And that is 100% ok... painful, but ok. Sometimes you just have to take a risk and do something you believe in. I've done it in the past to mixed success and hope I continue to do it in the future. The bigger the risk the bigger the reward. This time around I took one hell of a chance and may have really screwed things up in my life on many planes. I'm going to do whatever I can to set things right now, which may be quite hard, but I won't regret my decision because the reward was more than worth the risk.
I think, in combining the above paragraphs, that I should learn from the latter in order to improve upon the former. It would be logical for me to be doing much worse than I actually am. It looks like I got crushed again, and yet it seems I'm only walking away with minor bruises. The reason for this is because I know I gave everything I could/put all my chips in/ exhausted every resource (pick your cliche)... I'm not 100% done just yet, but my odds aren't looking too good. But when the finality of this event in my life is established, I willl hold my head high simply because I know I could do no more and that's all I really could ask from myself. I think if I could apply this in all areas in my life I would not only be more successful, but much happier as well. Hopefully, for once, my actions will be able to follow my overly ambitious words.
To all of you who like the blogs that are more reader oriented (e.g. the one on pants or shomer negiah), I do think I'll get back to those soon. But this blog is really for me, and though I do enjoy the genuine intrigue by many of you (the 2200 hits my site has gotten says a lot- and I thank you all for your interest in my sordid writings), sometimes I have to do these more personal ones in order to stabilize some of my thoughts. There is a certain degree of vanity involved in doing a blog (a guilty pleasure that no doubt adds to the blog appeal), and I'll be taking advantage off that in the future. So in the mean time, sit back, relax and enjoy the ramblings of the ever-turning cogs that blossom out of my uncertain conscious (+10 POINTS for weird over-description!)

Could My Life BEEE More Climactic Right Now?

Wooooooh boy! It seems that right now I have a row of fans lined up and a barrage of sh-- ready to hit them. On every level of my life (work, social, romantic, Mets, movies, family) there is so much going on, that I have absolutely no idea which of these aspects to address first, if at all. It seems after weeks of general insignificance that the the cars of my life all decided to cross the same intersection at once. And since many of the issues that are currently brewing have yet to be resolved I think that it will be better to just mention them briefly, and perhaps discuss them more in detail at a later date should they be resolved (and hopefully resolved happily). In the last two days I:
- Took a tramendous risk with my "dating" life that I truly hope pays off (though I must say that in no way do I think this risk was foolish).
- Took an equally humongous risk with my social life, which, of course, I truly hope pays off as well.
- Am preparing to make some big financial decisions.
- Almost got arrested (yes, by the police...or rather one jackass cop- No I didn't do anything wrong- otherwise I would have actually been arrested, but the experience wasn't pleasant nevertheless).
- Have had to endure the Yankees 9 game winning streak (but thankfully I had a great time watching the Mets crush the Reds 9-2 Shea last night with a whole bunch of my friends- including CIDER!! who I wish the best of mazel to on his return journey to the Land of Holes, where I'm sure he'll acquire the growth he seeks.)
- Have a crap load to do at work (including one major problem that is stressing me out big time)
- Don't know what I'm having for lunch.
- Am having issues with some members of my family (more extended family for the most part) that G-d willing should be resolved by the end of the day.
- Am supposed to organize a "Revenge of the Sith" screening for 8 members of my family (one of which is involved in the above tussle). And speaking of the Sith, I am feeling a lot life one right now as the frustration and anger are working their way towards hate, and rage. Fortunately I'm aware of what brings someone to the Dark Side and will try my hardest to curb my Sith-like emotions.
OK I think that's it. I hope that came off more like venting and less like complaining, because a few of these things have the potential to bring me a good deal of happiness- then again we are talking about my life here, so grains of salt and blee eyen horas all around (ok, now that can be taken as complaining...but I only did it to lead into this humorous banter juxtaposed against my own self, which I find quite funny even if you don't :).
So right now all I can say is OK TERRIFIC and hope (as I'm foolishly prone to doing) that all works out well.

Can't Touch This

Hello boys and girls, today we're going to talk about Shomer Negiah! First allow me to apologize for the cliched title of this blog, but I just couldn't think of something better (although I almost went with "Well, at least im Homo-Negiah!"). I must say I'm very happy with the response the last two dating-related blogs got. So why quit while I'm hot? (for all of you who still check in to find out about my personal life there's still not much to tell, I'll let you know if there is.)
I was recently talking to a female friend of mine who told me how she and her BF of one month broke negiah in a fit of passion (and if you are going to break it, a fit of passion is always the way to go). He is basically yeshivaish (as he learns in Yeshiva), and she is quite frum as well. Needless to say a good deal of guilt followed. They talked about it, realized it was a mistake and have been shomer for the last 3 weeks, and intend to stay that way. I wish them the best, and hope they succeed, but as they don't appear to be getting engaged soon, I'm highly skeptical that they'll never break S"N again until they're married (unless one of them didn't enjoy the experience, then it should be smooth sailing:). It's not that I doubt their sincerity, it's that I believe in the overcoming power of testosterone and estrogine. Also, it seems the further away from 19 we get, the less shomer negiah we are.
I remember that after shana-aleph a great deal of my friends were Shomer, myself included. In fact, I think I went a good 16 months straight at one point. Now it seems barely any of my friends are shomer(my married friends dont count). In fact I have only one friend who touched his wife for the very first time on their wedding night, and another who dated the girl in high school and they weren't shomer, but after Israel they were for over a year till they got engaged (though a good deal of the relationship was long distance, but I still think they would have made it otherwise). They get special props -(it's incredibly hard to become shomer once you've really enjoyed not being shomer with a specific person). I also have many friends, married and single, who give/gave the impression that they're shomer, but when no ones looking are/were all over each other like Bert and Ernie when the lights go out (oh don't be so shocked, it's only a matter of time before they're outed for real). I certainly did this as well, and it made me quite guilty sometimes. Basically we may assume a lot of people are shomer, but the harsh reality is that they are not. I was a little surprised to find out that some people I thought were shomer, played "patty-cake", "Dr. Dr.", and Twister when no one was looking.
Now I understand that post Israel, many of us are filled with religious fervor, and are more inspired, thus making it easier to keep our hands to ourselves. But it seems that for the overwhelming majority it is nearly impossible to be shomer, especially if you're dating for more than a few months before marriage. I know of exactly 0 couples who were together for more than a year before their wedding that managed to stay Shomer throughout their whole relationship (so that knocks out the above couple). So basically, with the exception of that one friend, I know no one who never touched his/her wife/husband before their wedding. Now I'm not saying this is impossible, I'm just saying I don't know of anyone who's made it- and I love it when one asks very frum ppl who you know dated for a while before the wedding about this stuff and they give you the run around ("Well, ya know it's tough..." or "Hey, we're only human.." or , and my personal favorite "We were basically good...except on Rosh Chodesh"); who you kidding?
I must go on the record by saying I think shomer negiah is a very good thing, and certainly helps a marriage in getting used to nidah (or so I've been told). It is very easy to get into a long term relationship and let the physical aspects take it over, shirking other issues (of this I am regretfully guilty as well). Sometimes the physical can become the whole relationship, and then you're in really deep dog doo. But I'm digressing/rambling (a side effect of blogging), as I want the focus to be more on reasoning.
I think a big part of it is that today, many couples date much longer than in the past, making negiah all the more harder. In Talmudic times courtships were a fraction of what they were today. You met the girl at breakfast, were engaged by lunch, and married by dinner, and hopefully desert went well; so negiah, not so tough.
Some people feel shomer negiah is illogical, and I disagree with this as well. I think it's perfectly logical, and if kept, can ensure a healthier marriage, as one has a much better chance of marrying someone more for their neshama, and less for their dinglehoppers and knick-knack-pattywacks. I am all for S"N, as I'm sure many people are, but that doesn't make it easy to hold. In the future, should I be in a real relationship again, I do hope to be able to maintain S"N, but also hope that if I can't, I don't pretend like I am. I'm not so into the idea of pretending to be something I'm not, and would rather accept who I am and strive to be better.
I think there's a lot more I can say on this issue, but this blog's getting a wee bit long, so I'll save the rest of my opinions for the comments page. But before I go I hope you weren't expecting some sort of firm resolution. The fact is most people don't seem to be able to keep S"N, whether they're trying to keep it or not. I guess if we all became lepers it would be a lot easier..... Actually it wouldn't, cause If WE ALL were lepers then it wouldn't be a big deal if we touched, except for the halacha aspect of it, but hey, if you got leperacy and you can get some, I say go for it.
OK, terrific.
That's all for now, I leave it to you.

Step It Up Ladies

Well I must say that I'm quite pleased with the response my skirts vs. pants blog got. I'm going to discuss another issue that came up over Pesach but before I do I'd like to tell a quick tale of a Shea experience I had Monday night (the dating stuff is below in blue if you want to skip this):
Though the game was delayed for 2 hours because of rain, that didn't stop 2 die-hards like myself, and my buddy Sean (The World Greatest Mets Fan) from sticking around and seeing Pedro baffle the Phillies. As always, the Pepsi Party Patrol came out in the middle of the 6th and started launching T-shirts into the crowd. This is almost as exciting as catching a foul ball, and you don't have to worry about breaking your hand in the process. I got a shirt last year, and wanted another this season. One by one the young interns of the PPP shot and threw their shirts to the crowd, but nowhere near us did a shirt fall. Then on the final launch one shirt was arcing my way. I followed it, anticipated it, didn't bother to look at the railing in front of me, and reached as far as I could to make an attempt at it!..... NO! It went off my fingertips and fell two rows in front of me. Fortunately because of the rain the crowd was thin, and there was no one sitting in those rows. But I saw some rabid fans who wanted that shirt making their approach. I was in the middle of the row and if I went around the seats I'd have no chance at the shirt two sizes too big for me that I desired nonetheless. I had few options and did the only sensible thing I could do. I lunged over two rows of seats head first towards the shirt. My cell phone fell out of my pocket, my hat fell off, my left shoe somehow found its way off my foot and my ankle hit the railing hard and my left arm collided with the side of the metallic arm rest of a seat (I have the black and blues to prove this), but my right arm found its target, and before the approaching competition could close in I had the shirt. In order to regain my balance I had to push off with my arms, and (with surprising agility) popped back on my feat, picked up my hat and cell phone, and cleaned myself off. Sean was cracking up and applauding at the same time. Many ppl around me cheered as well. Though I must have looked somewhat foolish doing this for a t-shirt, cause two fans lovingly called out "Asshole!" and "Nice grab Jackass!". A women near me looked at me like I was a child molester. I gave Sean a high-5, didn't care what the people around me thought and watched the rest of the game. My bruises are healing, my phone still works, and I got the shirt. The Mets ended up winning 5-1. No regrets.

Now, back to the dating issues. Another matter that irked me over the yumtuf was the following: Apparently many girls won't approach a guy if they're interested in him. They want the guy to make the first move...always. I think this is ridiculous. Girls, if you're interested in a guy, subtly let him know (but don't be too subtle). Don't be blatant and all over him, but give little hints, and then see if he reacts. If you don't know the guy don't be intimidated either. Approach him and comment on something he's wearing, or lie about something. Take any window you can, if we're not interested we'll let you know. But guys love it when a nice stranger of the opposite sex approaches us (providing we find her attractive in some way).
What many of you girls don't realize is that many guys are insecure, and find girls incredibly intimidating. We don't always have enough confidence to approach you. But you see, the pressure seems to be on the guy, and this isn't right. Why must we be the ones to put ourselves on the line time and again? If we get rejected we are not going to be as willing to do the approaching in the future, especially if we really like the girl. I couldn't have been more intimidated by my first girlfriend. I felt she was wayyyy out of my league- why would a girl that hot go out with me? I would see her walking across the St., go into gaga-land and walk into a lamp-post. I honestly once totaled my car watching her walk down Austin st. once. For months I couldn't work up the courage to go for it. Eventually our paths directly crossed and despite being a bumbling fool, I worked up the courage to make a move- but only because she was dropping slight hints and I decided "What the hell? The worst that could happen is she says no, and I move on". Of course once in the relationship plenty of worse things happened but that's another blog. The point here is that you have much more to gain than you have to lose so why not?
I know it's not looked on as being "conventional" for a girl to be forward, but hey if girls can wear pants they can make the first move. And in most cases once they do so the guy will be confident enough to become the assertive man you want him to be. All he needed was that little boost of confidence which you provided by simply approaching him.
Another factor you must consider is that there are plenty of guys who are simply aloof. But if you make the effort with such a guy he may wake up and realize something he didn't see before. At a minimum get him to notice you.

In closing I must reiterate that some guys are simply more confident than others (for various reasons) if you're interested in a guy and don't make the slightest effort then you may miss out on something great. Some other girl will get him and you'll have to go the rest of your life knowing that someone else is married to your husband.

SKIRT'S THE ISSUE

HI everybody!!! ("HI Hopeful Fool!") I hope you all had a wonderful Passover, and that you once again fully appreciate the filling, fluffy, flavorsome yumminess of bread (Go Challah!). I have to say that my Pesach was rather good. I went to Mets games, met half of the team and got their autographs (more on that tomorrow perhaps), and spent the last 4 days of the holiday in the Nevele, courtesy of the best letters of the alphabet. The tennis was competitive, the weight room was sore-inducing, the company was grand, and the food was deliciously incessant. There were many thought provoking conversations/debates and I'd like to open up the blog to one of them: the continuing battle of Skirts vs. Pants (which ranks 5th on the all time rivalry list behind 1.Jedi vs. Sith 2. Yankees vs. Red Sox 3. King Kong vs. Godzilla and 4. Catholic Priests Vs. Struggling young boys who won't sit still and do as their told.)

This rivalry dates back to the 40's when a young Katherine Hepburn shocked the world by sporting the, until then, legged garb of men. Since then there has been a great deal of debate within in the Jewish world about women wearing pants. It has been brought to my attention that there are many girls who only wear skirts, but don't really want to. They feel that if they wear pants this will hurt their chances at a good shiduch. So basically they'd like to wear pants but feel a social restraint. They feel they will be judged and looked at differently, and would rather avoid the foolish gazes and marring tongues of those who see pants-wearer's as lower dwellers of the (modern) Orthodox shidduch pyramid. This bothers me on a number of levels. My first argument is if you're wearing skirts because you're afraid a guy might not want to be with you if you wear pants, then you probably shouldn't be interested in him in the first place. Actions speak louder than appearances. I'm sure we all know a girl who wears pants who might in fact be frumer than a girl who only wears skirts.
Secondly there are several rebbeim who say there is really nothing wrong with women wearing tznius pants. Obviously tightass-ass pants would not be modest. But semi-loose fitting Ann Taylor's (and the like) aren't untznius in the slightest, and there should be no social ramifications for a women who dresses in such garb.
Third of all, if a guy doesn't go out with you because you wear pants, I can almost guarantee you he's lying. Think about it: "Well she's smart, incredibly sexy, funny, compassionate, davens daily, does bichur cholim, and loves the Mets, BUT SHE WEARS PANTS!!!! I'm sorry it's just not going to work out." Are you kidding me?

Personally I couldn't care one way or the other if the girl I was seeing wore pants or/and skirts. It's really not my decision to make. I happen to think girls look better in skirts (they do add a certain class and grace, plus a girl who wears pants runs the risk of getting pantsed), but I honestly don't care. In fact the last 3.5 girls I went out with all wore pants. Sure, there are guys out there who think differently than me, and I'm sure there are girls who think the same way as those guys- so it's probably best that those guys go out with those girls. If you're the type who honestly doesn't see the problem in wearing nice, tznius pants (I'm not sure where jeans fall in- I'll save that for the comments), but only wears skirts because of shidduch reasons, I say start wearing pants. You can't be someone else for someone else. If you're not true to yourself then it will come back to hurt you in the future.
Now of course we should always be striving to grow spiritually, but I don't think wearing only skirts truly symbolizes spiritual growth. I think growth in this area is more reflected in tfillah,learning, chessed, midot etc..., basically actual mitzvot. I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't get a mitzvah for wearing a skirt (and on a related note- will I get an avayrah if a wear a kilt in Scotland this summer?).
So in closing I think that you girls out there should be who you want to be, not who everyone else wants you to be. And you narrowminded guys should stop being so judgemental (am I actually telling other people to stop being judgemental?! weird), and look past such ridiculous things as skirts vs. pants and make a decision based on a girls actions and personality.....and of course looks, because at the end of the day we all know that's what's most important...except for the fact that they're not.......aren't they?

More on dating issues in future blogs. This was fun.