I Loathe Me

I'm a big fan of Jewish music, and any time there's a new Jewish band/artist on the horizon I'm always interested in checking them out (FYI-"Except Saturday" is going to be huge). We always get emails at work alerting us of new Jewish CD's coming out, and today we got a very interesting one. We received a link to a website promoting a certain singer (I feel bad enough about what ended up happening so I won't say the name of this singer). We saw his picture and were somewhat dismayed, and confused...especially since he was labeled "World Famous". From his picture it looked like something was wrong with him, my boss said that he was handicapped, but I just ignored it and was waiting to hear his music. The fact that his CD was priced at only $5.99 didn't expunge by bosses suspicion. As soon as we heard him singing we knew that the man was mentally retarded (it didn't look like he had Downs syndrome though). There was nothing melodic about his songs, and as Randy Jackson loves to say, they were quite "pitchy". Fortunately the songs were all duets with a very talented and prodigious Jewish singer, thus drowning out some of the musical maltreatment. Clearly the entire production of this album was a chessed, and I'm sure it made this singer as happy as can be, and that made me immensely happy as well. Although that emotion would quickly fade into guilt.
Around 6 seconds after we heard the music, my boss and I just looked at each other. It was obvious that we both had the urge to laugh, but wanted to hold it back for pitty's if not our neshamas sake. But about 2 seconds after that he cracked, and then I simply lost it. I couldn't help but thinking of Lesley Nielson singing the National Anthem in "The Naked Gun". I tried to gain control, but every time I did I just lost it again because my boss couldn't control himself either. I never felt so bad while laughing. As I convulsed in hysterics I thought to myself "This is so wrong. Control yourself!" And eventually I did, but still feel tremendous guilt now. Unlike most things that make me laugh so hard I cry (e.g. a certain friend running full speed into a glass door), I'm not laughing now, nor do I think I'll lose control when I think about it in the future, B"H.
Obviously this CD wasn't really made for our listening pleasure, and was released (as previously noted) as a chessed as well as an inspiration. At a closer look of the albums cover we saw the Ohel logo, so theres tzeddakah in it as well. My boss was somewhat angered by it, saying that the CD embarrasses the young man who obviously can't sing, even if his ability to memorize and sing the songs is an amazing achievement. We were both reminded of songs Opie and Anthony used to play of a choir of Downs syndrome children. It was of course awful musically, but beautiful spiritually.Obviosuly the latter notion was completely insignificant to O&A. I supported his argument by saying how awful it would be if they or Howard Stern got hold of this album. It could be completely exploited, degrading the singer and his family.
I am disgusted with myself with laughing as I did. I know that perhaps 8 out of 10 people would also lose it, especially with others in the room. After all, laughing is contagious. I wouldn't be surprised if several people I look up to also slipped a giggle, yet that doesn't make what I did any better. I hope I aspire to be one of the 20% who could manage to keep control, and not laugh at a handicapped young mans dreams.

When Harry Met Serendipity in Seattle with Great Expectations Before Sunrise

Is this not the best blog title I've had yet?! Obviously one can gather from the title that I'm talking about love, romance and that oh so wonderful word we tend to dread from time to time: relationships.
I'm in a weird mood right now. I'm feeling sketchy, adventurous and love-sick. I just want to sweep the next beautiful women I meet completely off her feet. I want to find an ex-girlfriend or two and make it work all over again. I want to call up some of my attractive platonic female friends (you know who you are ;) and just say "Let's give it a shot. What the hell?!" I want to be stuck on a long line in front of an incredibly cute and witty girl, make excellent banter, and get her number by the time I reach the front. I want the oooohs, the ahhhhsss, and the yeah, baby, yeaaaaahhhhhh's. Of course what realistically will happen is that I'll just be sitting on my couch watching the title listed movies, and having an incredible threesome with two guys named Ben and Jerry. But I still hope for one of the mentioned scenarios to occur.
OK so why am I in this bizarre state? What's going on in that oh so twisted mind of everyones favorite Hopefool? I'm honestly not sure. Maybe I'm just getting my period. But I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm receiving a lot of shiduch/set-up offers. Well maybe not "a lot" but more than I've ever gotten before. Yet the thing is I just find these dates so depleting, as I'm sure many of you do, constant readers. I'm not ashamed to admit that I need that romance, that whimsical spark, and not the stale, basic conversation that goes along with those first dates. Yes, I know all the flowers, surprises and swoopings can come later, but by then I feel like it's just so expected and planned. I remember four years ago hanging out with some people, one of which I was crazy about, and only knew a few weeks. I had a screening the next night, and set up this whole plan where friend #1 would suddenly bring up that she couldn't make it, and then when I turned to friend #2 he would say how he was busy. Obviously it would be rude not to ask the girl....and the rest is history. That worked for me. That satisfied my sappy hunger.I once left a girl a ticket to a movie (that was sentimentaly important to us) on her car inside a parking ticket envelope. That worked for me too. The set ups just don't, and though I could be proven completely wrong about this, I don't think they ever will. The problem is that they're so contrived and formulaic...almost programmed. Too many rules I feel. Also I tend to not be attracted to the girls, but go out once to give it a shot, which I think is a little foolish of me to do. So I guess there's around four problems all in all. I want my eyes to be dazzles, and then really get excited when my mind is awed as well. I guess this is where Jesse Spano would call me a "pig".
I want spontaneity. But you can't do that with the set-ups, because then you come off as either needy or nuts. Obviously I'm the latter, but it's better that they don't realize that at first; although in the "sudden-romance" scenarios my insanity can be cleverly disguised by my witty charm.
OK I think the mood is starting to fade. I'm sure my guy friends will kick me in the crotch later for this one, but I just felt the sudden urge to go for it. And sometimes you just have to go for it.