So Far, So....OK

Sorry it took so long to put up my first post, but theres been some internet problems over here. It's been 5 days so far and I've certainly had my ups and downs. The first day was hardest emotionally. I was exhausted and hungry(which never go well together) and when I got here was faced with the difficult choice of taking my old room back or a new one with the younger guys. This was a difficult decision because my old room had a lot of memories. I decided on the old room, but I took a different bed, just as I took a different makom in the beis- basically the theme was "same place, different perspective". I did shed a few tears as I walked into the room, as I quickly lamented a few of the decisions I had made towards the end of my stay 3 years ago. Then things got really heavy (I use that word so much I was thinking of renaming the blog "The Heavy Fool", but that just makes me sound like a fat dufus). I found an old letter (I dont remember writing) to my uncle (who had passed away 2 years earlier) all about "her". Talk about your Hiroshimas and Nagasaki's. I nearly lost it and couldn't finish the letter. Although I guess I can say its all uphill from here in that regards.
I have enjoyed the shiurim I've gone to, thank G-d, and the other madrichim are very nice, though I see myself getting close with maybe 2 of them at best. I definitely need more time with people of more maturity, and while 2 of my closest friends are in Yerushalayim , I can't always pick up and go. I haven't had a chance to really speak to talk to any of the rebbeim but I hope I do soon. I know I'm in need of their guidance more than ever. I also met this really nice psychiatrist who came and gave a course to the staff (and will be coming every once and a while) about how to look for certain disorders in teenagers (e.g. kleptomania, substance abuse etc...) He and I spoke for a while and it was nice getting out some of issues to a professional. I'm thinking of maybe talking to him again. It'll probably be good for me, I just haveo put my pride in check.
Basically I'm feeling very apprehensive about the year, and hope that I can make it,because if I do that'll mean things are going well (if I'm still unhappy come January I doubt I'll stick around). Otherwise there's nothing so eventful to say, so it seems this blog entry was as bland as my Motorola I90 phone.