NOW AND THEN

Before I begin I just want to say that from here on in I won't be advertising the blog as much anymore. It'll still be up for those of you who know the address but I'm afraid it might get a bit controversial and very personal. I probably invited in a few people I'd rather not be reading some things I've written by leaving the address as my away message. Hopefully this ongoing documentation of my life will still persevere and be a testament of only positivity and happiness over the coming year.



I'm leaving for the airport in under 3 hours and my thoughts are just a whirlpool, and my emotions are equally unstable. I keep getting painful flashbacks, that are oddly giving me a bit of strength, and showing me a heavy, but necessary perspective of then and now.

THEN- I was madly in love, and going to Israel to oversome my past and help secure a better life for myself and the object of my affection.
NOW- Not in love, not even in like with anyone, and going to Israel to figure things out, (defeat the past?) hopefully meet someone incredible.

THEN- Packing was easy, I had a lot of help...and everything was so neat!
NOW- Packing is a bit frustrating and I'm having a bit of trouble getting everything in, let alone neatly (I sooo want that bag Mary Poppins uses).

THEN- There was a great going away surprise party thrown for me, and I never felt more loved in my entire life.
NOW- I had a very nice night with my closest friends in America, which became more of a reunion with people I'm not as close with (though I think they're great and I wouldn't mind becoming so), and later a last hangingout with my closest friend in Queens. A swell evening I'd have to say. {I'd also like to add here a special shout out and thank you to all my friends- mostly westerners- who've just been awesome over the last 6 months or so. I'm really going to miss you guys :( }

THEN- 20 years old, an OK student, but thought I knew exactly what I wanted, and was excited for my future.
NOW- 23, college grad with honors, no frickin clue, ashamed to admit I'm a bit afraid of the future. Grad school???? Old job back??? Chinuch???? NASA Simulator Space Pilot??

THEN- Very naive to the darker side of the world around us, and the people who drown in it.
'NOW- All to aware of it (and maybe it's one time victim on a certain sense), and going to try everything I can to keep those I care about away from it.

THEN- Just some dude at the Yeshiva, "The Guy".
NOW- A person of importance with actual responsibilities.

THEN- More uptight, arrogant, and judgemental.
NOW- Doing my best to do away with those negative attributes.

THEN- No friends in Israel when I arrived, all alone.... :(
NOW- Probably my two best friends (certainly the 2 friends I've been continuously close with longest in my life)in the Holy land with me, and their respective women, both of which I dig.

THEN- Studied "lighter" subjects, and spent a lot of free time talking, IMing with and daydreaming about the woman,.
NOW- Planning to learn heavier stuff and focus more on my learning than I ever have before. Daydreaming about.....come to think of it, nothing really...not sure if that's good or bad (open to suggestions on this one).

THEN- Was a bit of a social hermit. I had a serious girlfriend I was planning to marry, so not once did I go away for shabbos, and rarely did I hang out in town. I just hung out in yeshiva (happily).
NOW- Totally available, and looking to have a grand time across the land. Here I come Israel, and I'm bringing the SCHWAAA~~~~ with me (yes, that was dorky, but I couldn't stop myself).

OK, as always there's lots more, but I'm in a hurry so I'll some up everything on my mind by simply writing one word that reflects all my feelings of the past, all my pain and desires of love and love lost, and all my ambitions and and tfillot for the future: happiness. What we all want. You know it when you have it, and when you've lost it. G-d willing I'll know it again soon.