This One Goes Out To The One I Hated

Heavy title for a blog huh? Well I've got a bunch of things to do today but hopefully I'll write about this later-tbc.....

Later-"Hate" is an incredibly strong word. We often say we "hate" something, but in essence we just don't like it. For example, I always say I hate Ketchup but I just don't like it. I "hate" the Atlanta Braves, but truthfully I'm just frustrated by how they always beat the Mets and have a smug attitude (Chipper Jones naming his son Shea?!) I say I hate the Yankees and The Phillies (well more their fans than the team) when in truth I loathe them.
When you truly hate something or someone you want nothing but the worst for them. You want them to suffer, disappear, and be hated by others as well (hatred works so much better by committee). Many times we hate something/one we once loved; an ex-boy/girlfriend, an athlete who won't give an autograph, a car that doesn't live up to your expectations etc...
There's been people in my life who I've truly disliked. There's two guys in perticular who I couldn't give a damn about, and I hope I never see or hear from them again...but at the same time I occasionally daven that they should do a 180 and go from being rashaim to tzaddikim. If they were stranded on the side of the road I suppose I would help them, though in no way would I be happy about it.
Then there's the person this blog is about. He/she I truly hated. Until recently I would have driven right by him/her. Obvious question: why? Most people who read these and know me think I'm a nice guy, which I like to believe I am. So how could I come to hate this someone, someone I once loved in fact, with all the denotative meaning of the word? Well I felt that this person betrayed me and was responsible for causing me a great deal of pain, and I felt it was purposeful on his/her part (though that, of course, is denied), brought on by unrelenting feelings of jealousy. Furthermore, when I was "down and out" this person did nothing to try to console me, further evidence to support my theory. In many way he/she benefited most from my situation, though he/she didn't know I hated them so, they just felt we weren't on the best of terms (riiggghhhttttttt). I know this sounds quite heavy and 90210ish, but it was a reality I'm very happy to have gotten away from.
After many long months of simply sitting in the pools of stubborn hate, I finally decided to get out a bit and rethink things. See, as much as I did hate this person, I hated hating them. It can be so easy to hate, in fact one of my biggest problems would be solved right now if I just started to hate this aspect. But, as we've learned from Mr. Lucas, hatred is the way to the Dark Side. I knew nothing good could come from hatred, and that holding on to it would certainly impede the growth I'm going to try and accomplish in Israel. So, in the spur of the moment, I made a phone call. This person was very happy to hear from me (which filled me with a lot of anger I must admit), and we talked for a while. I told him/her how I felt, and we kind of worked through things a little. Ironically this person didn't benefit from my pain in the end as much as he/she may or may not have originally planned. We talked a lil bit more and both wished each other well, but there's probably a long way to go, and a lot of time that has to pass before we can be back on. But I took the first step, and I do feel the hatred in me starting to quell, and though the my stubbornness is fighting me I am feeling a bit more at ease. Hopefully as time goes by all the crap that happened between me and this person will prove to be for the best. I'm a bit skeptical, but we'll just have to wait and see. Right now I just have to be happy with the progress I've made and....start packing!!!!!