I'm Comin' Back Now

Well my time in the Holy Land is almost at an end. Most people usually say how they can't believe how fast it went by or something like that. Not me. It felt like 4 months, for better or worse. But if you add the fact that I was away for the summer as well then I essentially have not been home for 6 months. It is certainly going to be an adjustment getting back into the New York state of mind, but I am excited for it. I am definitely going to miss Israel, perhaps more than ever. This was the most positive experience I've had here to date. Yet it's time to get back to the good ol' U.S. of A.
So what's in store for me now that this chapter of my life is closing? Well I'm planning to get my own place (most likely in Queens), take care of grad school work, write another screenplay, and keep Mondays nights open for 24. As far as a job goes, things aren't looking so great at my old job. They could be a lot worse, but not exactly what I was hoping. I'll just have to make the best of it and see if I can find any worthwhile part time work between now and the summer.
So now it's time to reflect on the last four months. I was looking over the blogs from then, and I definitely see a great deal of growth in myself. It's odd how last time I came to Yeshiva I really pushed myself to change in certain ways, but in the end it was all fruitless and I simply self-destructed. But this time around I didn't really exert myself in trying to be this or that, I just went with the flow, and amazingly that seems to have facilitated positive change/growth within me. Don't get me wrong I'm still the witty, Movie/Met freak I was before I left. Just now I think I've gained a certain amount of maturity, confidence and will power. I hope that I make sure to say brachas, bench, daven three times a day (preferably with a minyan), keep learning mesechet Brachos, and most importantly not lose patience with Hashem. I know this might sound weird but Baruch Hashem I've started to understand how the Yetzer Hara has been successful in his plots against me, and once you understand your enemy you begin to learn ho to defeat him,and in many ways I've been successful at beating him. The Yetzer Haras allies are laziness, procrastination, fear, anger, irritability, being impatient, shortsighted and condemning. He will use these and other weapons to bring you down and keep you from achieving your goals. I have found that when he is swirling around my mind, using these forces against me, that a forceful burst declaring "NO!" works. The inclination is gone and more often than not these days I overcome him, B"H. I think this, perhaps more than anything, is the most important thing I've gotten out of my time here. I hope that once I get back I continue to grow spiritually as well as emotionally. I know how I want to lead my life and I hope I have the courage to follow the direction I see is the right path for me.
I know I had certain doubts and misgivings about coming here and doing what I've done. If I had the choice to go back and do it all again would I? I think I would, and it makes me very happy to write that. I've done so many wonderful things with my time here, made many new friends, met lots of great guys in yeshiva, and genuinely like the person I am (this time last year I hated myself). So that's nice
To all my friends in Israel: I'll miss you all very much, and will truly cherish the time I've had here with you (especially all the fun at the Merkaz- Jestifer finally got a shoutout!!) and hope to see you all soon. .
To all my friends back home: The Fool is coming home people!! Brace yourself for the new and improved power of the Schwaaaaa~~~~~.....I believe that should confirm the fact that I'm still out of my mind. Can't wait to see you guys......and Dov too!!