A Big Bowl of the Hopefools Insanity

OK I don't have a lot of time, but I haven't posted in a while and I figured I ought to, if only briefly. I've been having a lot of fun lately picking on breakfast cereal spokesmen- notice the 'MEN' part. There are no females spokespersons in this business- at least on the sugary side, there always seems to be a healthy looking career-oriented-young mother in adds for Special K or Corn Flakes, and theres usually a constipated grandma in Raisin Bran or Grape Nuts, and of course the mother-figure in Kix (who approves). But I'm talking sugar cereal here people. I'm talking Tony the Tiger, Wendell the Baker, Captain Crunch, Tucan Sam, Dig'em etc... All male. I don't think Wilma or Betty even make an appearance in Cocoa/Fruity Pebbles commercials. Why is this? Do women not eat cereal? Will men not trust a woman selling cereal? I mean I still buy Honeycombs even though that weird thing in the commercial is clearly overdosing on something (anyone know his name?). I think I would buy cereal if a women was selling it. I mean women are the producers of milk, why not be the pervayors of breakfast cereal.
I think it would be great if these cartoon spokespeople started doing commercials for other products. Just imagine Tony the Tiger for Depends ("They're Grrrrrreat!") Or Captain Crunch for Preparation H ("Ahhhhh now I can sit on the bow of the ship without my soggy cushion"), the captain would also be good for a laxative add (Immodium perhaps). The Trix rabbit could maybe do viagra or a Las Vegas add ("Silly Rabbit Trix are for prostitutes" to which he can reply "Hey, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas"). Sunny the Coocoo bird should clearly be doing promos for ritillin, in fact you could have a cross-over add directed at parents telling them how to hide the ritilin in Cocoa Puffs. Wendel the Baker (Cinnamon Toast Crunch) could do Weight Watchers of Lucille Roberts- anything that involves him doing a bit of exercise- I think he's just been putting on more and more weight over the years. Maybe he ate the other two bakers who helped him make CTC back in the early 90's, those guys just mysteriously dissapeared with no investigation.
Oh and what the hell is up with that Golden Crisp bear? I think he might have a slight mental handicap, always singing that song with his deep voice. Maybe he's just totally baked (aka stoned) all the time, thus explaining why he always has the munchies. I heard he also got into a fight with Teddy Ruxspin over one of the Care Bears and brutally murdered him, so now literacy is on the decline once more. But don't worry Smokey the bear has vowed revenge. Dig'em the frog I should point out is also on the dumb side, but he's a frog and just the fact that he can talk is astounding. And for whatever reason that hat seems to be working for him.
Snap, Crackle and Pop need to get out and meet some chicks. They're like Ernie and Bert yet worse, as they don't seem to be closet homosexuals. They have a lot of potential going for them. They're cute, smart and know how to hold a beat. They might be gay, but I think that would hurt sales no? I guess it's really up to the guys who draws them.
The Honey Nut Cheerio Bee (forgot his name) should just sting someone (preferably the Cocoa Krispy monkey) and die. He's been bothering me for years, buzzing around whenever I'm taking a nap on a nice Shabbos afternoon. But I'm biased against insects in general.
Fred Flintstone clearly has anger management issues. I don't know why Barney and Wilma take it. Well Wilma at least. Barney is a real pain in the a-- too. Fred should have pulled a Tony Soprano and gone Ralphie on his tuchus long ago.
OK I'm going to go have a big bowl of LIFE now...on second though that Mikey kid is a bit annoying, anal retentive and stuck up. It's gonna have to be Hot Cereal then- Quaker Oats- that dude with the haircut resembling Prince Adam aka He-Man is OK in my book.
(oh and the Shepard would like to wish "Helga" a happy birthday.)