To Russia With No Love

Well it's been a while hasn't it? I have no excuses really. I simply didn't feel like blogging. It's not that there hasn't been anything interesting going on. I could have blogged about the beginning of the Mets season. I could have blogged about the ridiculous misunderstanding I had with one of my friends who totally misinterpreted something I said and thought I was asking her out. Or I could have put up a post about my moving offices or the dramatic non-romance between two good friends of mine. I just chose not to. Wasn't in the mood. Fortunately for the seven of you who still check up on this blog I had a doozy of a Passover experience. One so intense I feel that I have no choice but to blogify it.

I got a job running the teen program in a certain hotel in Boca Raton, Florida this Passover. It seemed like something I was more than qualified to do, which I was. I think my program went over quite well. I wasn't completely prepared for the fact that most of the people at the hotel were not frum, in fact I'd say only 25% were Orthodox. But that's not really what I'm going to be writing about. Nor will I be talking about the fact that there was hardly anyone there my age, or how I managed not to get involved with a girl who had loads of issues that all seemed way too familiar. What I am going to talk about is the fact that I was lucky enough to share a room with two charming Russian $%^&*($#ers. I wasn't a bigot before this Pesach, and I'm fighting against my urges now, but these two guys and two of there comrades did nothing to make a Bolshevik supporter out of me.
These guys were the moshkiachs of the hotel (working under a Lakewood rav). They had two rooms, and were less than thrilled to be sharing it with the likes of me. These guys never met me but as soon as I arrived they all fought about who would be forced to "get" me. I felt loved from day one. As their luck would have it two Ruskies named Sergai and Olik (those may or may not be their real names) won the pleasure of my company.
After the first night the former commies decided that I would be getting the cot for the rest of the chag. To quote Sergai, "Yo, this is my bed. You can fight with Olik for the other bed, but this one mine." This was not smart. If there's one thing I won't tolerate it's horrible midot like that. And I told Sergai this. If he would have been polite and asked me nicely I probably would have taken the cot with not problems, but since he had to be a tough guy about it I decided to give him a piece of my mind. I didn't raise my voice in any way but told him exactly what I just wrote. It's sad to say that he and Olik live up to every single Russian stereotype (including the vodka), so of course he didn't respond well to my rebuke. It would have gone against his machismo to do so. In a respectful but proud tone I told them that I WOULD take the cot and be the better man. Off to a great start.
The next day I let one of them borrow my guitar to try to be a nice guy. He ended up losing my capo. I insisted he pay for it but two of the other Russians said that the capo was never on the guitar. I knew for a fact that it was, and after catching him in a lie the guy who borrowed it admitted it as well, but insisted he didn't lose it. Which didn't matter to me because he was the last one to have it before it was lost. But the three of them decided that he wasn't going to pay for it. I wasn't happy about this and insisted on talking to him alone. Segai didn't like this. I asked him nicely to please leave me and the other guy alone. He got the idea that I told him to "shut up" which 100% false. I never speak like that, but then he lost it. He started yelling in my face Mother------, piece of she--, I'll F--- you up. As a foreigner his English wasn't great so he unfortunately said "I'm going to F--- your a--". I don think that's what he meant....at least I hope not. I didn't flinch or budge but just stood quietly as he lost it. I smirked when he said that line- I couldn't hold it back. This pissed him off more and he lunged at me, but the other two held him back. While one of the other guys was quite big I wasn't at all afraid of Sergei, and have no doubt I would have ripped him. But I've never gotten into a fight in my life and wasn't about to start.
Now here's where the real problem was. These guys were supposed to be mashgiyachs but as it turns out they weren't Orthodox Jews (at least not Sergai and Olik). I had my first suspicions when only three hours before the chag started there was still a box of triscuits in the room, which I ofcourse threw out. I also didn't know a pair of tfillin, tzizit or electric shaver besides my own- and these guys were quite clean shaved. But what really sealed the deal was the fact that the lights I left on for yomtov mysteriously went off in the middle of the night....that and they came back drunk and watched TV on shabbos. So here I was with very disturbing information about the "mashgiyachs". I called my rebbeim the first night of Chol Hamoed and they said that I had to tell the Lakewood Rav and the manager. I did this, and they were not happy. They clearly wished I hadn't brought it to their attention as it would have been better if they were in the dark. I don't regret what I did. There was a huge halachic problem with those guys being mashgiyachs. Now if they were waiters or day camp counselors I never would have said anything, and I'm sure my rebbeim would have advised as such. But Mashgiyachs?! I don't think so. I had a fantastic time over yomtov talking to many reform Jews and goyim who really knew nothing about Judaism and it was the highlight of my days there. I think I really enlightened about 4 teenagers who I truly believe are going to get more in touch with their Judaism now. But Sergai and Olik were very anti-religious. They were bashing chassidus and also said "All yeshivas make loads of homosexuals." Yah. Add that to the above and you see what I was living with.
It seems that Sergai and Olik got heavy demotions which meant more work for the other Russians which meant I now had four Russians really pissed at me (there was a fifth guy from Georgia but he was pretty cool actually). I made a preemptive move and had a large redheaded friend of mine come to the hotel and give me backup for a day, which he did well. He certainly intimidated Sergai (he lay on his bed with Sergai in the room). They definitely were looking for a fight, but didn't want to start one if they didn't have advantage. I then spoke with the manager and made sure that if anything happened to me or my property and if theres even the slightest suspicion of the Russians involvement that they would not be paid. They avoided me but made sure a couple of accidents happened.
On the first night of the second days I was in my room at 10 pm and every light was off. When I got back at 1:00 am EVERY SINGLE LIGHT WAS ON- I wonder how that happened? I had no choice but to go to bed with the lights on (if I got a goy to shut them they probably would have claimed I did). Of course when I woke up the next morning all the lights were off again. The next day I went back to the room to get my gemorahs for a chavrusah with one of the boys I was getting into Judaism. I put my key in the door but the room was locked from the inside. I knocked and banged for 20 minutes but of course they weren't going to let me in. I pretended like I was off to get their boss, the rabbi, and then ducked to the side of the door. They looked through the watch hole, saw no one and opened the door laughing. I then pushed the door open, grabbed my gemorahs and ran to meet the boy. But I was too late. He was gone. And I was pissed. I went to the head of the program and the rabbi and told them what happened- and as my luck would have it the boy came over to me while I was with them and asked what happened. I was told the matter would be dealt with, but I doubt it was. That night the Ruskies got drunk and tried to start with me, but I ignored them at first. They tried standing in my way, but I walked around them. Then One of them purposely opened a door to knock me over as I was bending over to pack my suitcase. I didn't react and got up. One of them started yelling at me in Russian but I didn't even make eye contact with him. This pissed them off even more. A hot head hates a level head. Then as I was getting ready to go one of them said "We see you in New York". I couldn't resist and replied "Not if I see you first", and through them my trademark wink and snap & point. And that was that.
All in all not the best experience but I certainly learned a great deal and meeting all those unobservant but knowledge hungry kids (they ALL wanted to know the sex laws of Judaism of course- but had lots of questions on other things too).
Love to write more but I think I'm just going to go watch Rocky IV instead :)